densoro:

hollowedskin:

periegesisvoid:

mappysnappy:

quasi-normalcy:

kerryrenaissance:

silverbellsolicitor:

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair
Like no
Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?

I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.

When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies of the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.

I feel like I should be horrified but I was actually way worse as a child

I wasn’t supposed to have barbies (my mother found them personally offensive) but someone got me two for my birthday one year, so then I ended up with a whole pile of them with various skintones and hair colours, with jobs and doing actiony things like horseriding to counter the possible influence 90s fashionista barbie and purfume barbie (both white and blonde) could have on me.

equestrian barbie was the unstoppable dictator because she had ball jointed limbs which made her superior to the other barbies who couldn’t bend their knees. both kens were her husbands and would form a human throne to carry her about because her horse was too important to be used as a form of transport. 

some of the barbies attempted to stage a coup to overthrow her in the name of social equality but they were betrayed and the ringleaders were placed into the kettle and publicly boiled alive while all the toy citizens of my bedroom were forced to watch in case they got ideas.

offbrand mermaid barbie was a spy who was supposed to be infiltrating the remaining resistance but was actually feeding them information about equestrian barbies weaknesses (her right arm joint was coming loose. soon she would be vulnerable)

eventually i was given a second horse which meant equestrian barbie could ride in a carriage, so i spent a week constructing a functioning carriage out of chopsticks and cardboard drink holders, which was given as a tithe to equestrian barbie.
there was a large parade in the living room for the carriages debut, however the resistance agent who had infiltrated the build team had rigged it with an explosive and so publicly assassinated equestrian barbie, ending her brutal reigeme.

the new government ruthlessly hunted down equestrian barbies loyalists and tortured them for information by tying them up by their feet under the hot tap until my mum found me doing that and my barbies were replaced with leggos and mechano, which i used to build houses and cars for lizards i caught in the back yard.

hollow what /every/ fuck