about the caleb/jester discourse. coz someone needs to say it.

out-there-on-the-maroon:

lemonmoxy:

I’ve been reading a hell of a lot of shit about how Jester didn’t give a ‘real’ apology. To which I have one thing (and by one I mean a lot) to say. 

POINT A

You can’t give a heartfelt detailed apology when the other guy is stomping off and doesn’t want to hear it. You’re right Jester’s apology wasn’t very good. It couldn’t be, Caleb was walking away. Does he have to listen to her apology? No. Nobody has to do anything. But I’m super fucking surprised that people aren’t mad at Caleb for rejecting Jester’s apology. Coz I’m a little irritated at him. Also the fact that Jester was apologizing at all while in a state of distress is a pretty big thing for her to do. I for one, can barely form the words “I’m sorry” coz I have a huge pride problem and when I do its almost never in the heat of the moment. Apologizing is difficult. 

Point B

Hey, also people say awful shit when they’re upset. And Jester is upset. I don’t think she said anything unreasonable but if you think she did then still keep in mind that she’s saying these things while she’s upset. And she’s not upset because she’s some spoiled princess. Her entire way of life has been uprooted. Just because that way of life is based around money doesn’t make it less valid. There are SO many legitimate reasons to hate the upper class without it just being that they have more money than me. Be less petty. 

Point C

Has anyone mentioned that Caleb is being pretty dismissive of Jester? Maybe they have but I haven’t seen anyone really bring this up. I don’t think he’s trying to be an asshole, but I do think that he is being super rude and dismissive. Offering his own money was super weird to me. I get that he’s trying to immediately solve the problem but like, I’d pretty offended if I was complaining about money and someone offered me money. Coz that’s not what I’m asking for. My pride would be insulted big time. My point in complaining (and likely Jester’s) is just to complain and get some catharsis through the act of complaining. Sometimes you just wanna bitch and have your bitching listened to and understood and commiserated with. Guess what? That’s what friends are for. Good ones, at least. All Caleb had to do was be like “yeah, it fucking sucks that we’re poor. It must be hard for you to make this major adjustment in life style.”

Bringing up his parents and how much money they made is making Jester’s problems about him. It’s implicitly saying ‘hey, your problems aren’t as bad as my family’s’ and hey guess what, problems aren’t comparative like that and its a shitty thing to do. I get what Caleb’s trying to do ‘don’t feel bad because other people have it worse’ guess what. I hate this shit. It’s obnoxious. I would have snapped at Caleb much harder than Jester did. Coz here’s the thing, if I suddenly lost access to my car and had to take public transit and someone was like “WeLl I’vE tAkeN pUbLiC tRaNsiT mY wHoLe LifE” I’d probably verbally punch them in the face. Coz guess what, the adjustment from having that sort of freedom to suddenly being a slave to someone else’s unstable schedule is fucking hard. Lowering your financial status is ALWAYS hard and you get to complain even if people “have it worse than you”. PROBLEMS AREN’T COMPARATIVE. They’re just problems. If someone is sharing their problems with you, you are supposed to listen and offer an ear, not make it about you. This is humaning 101. Caleb might have problem humaning. I do too. We all probably do in some ways or another. Doesn’t mean he didn’t fuck up though.

Point D

I’ve sort of said this in C but it bares repeating. People keep saying that what Jester is really upset about is not having her mother anymore. And maybe that’s true. I don’t know. But here’s the thing. Jester could be 85% upset about her financial status and 15% upset about her mom and she’d still be valid. You’re allowed to worry about money. You’re allowed to be upset about not having money. I’ll repeat it YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT FINANCES. And not just people who have been poor their whole life. You’re allowed to be worried about money if you’re from a rich background too. Jester is completely valid if she’s upset about going from rich to poor. I’d be fucking mad too yo. I’d be so fucking bitter about it even if it was completely my own fault (and it wasn’t in Jester’s case). And so would you. Unless you’re like a monk type, which maybe you are. Cool. But I’m willing to bet you’re not.   

IN SUMMARY

Mistakes happen. I don’t think Caleb is a bad person just from this interaction. I don’t think the fault is completely his fault (just mostly). I do think he fucked up a social interaction and then blamed Jester for it. I do also think Jester could have handled things better. But you know what. So could have Caleb and he was the one who was in a better position to handle things better given that his major problem of the day was not getting into the smut shop and losing his cat (and therefore a lot of money) out of his own stubbornness.

Also, as much as I love the new characters, I wouldn’t say they’re good friends to each other yet. Several of them are outright lying to the others about their backgrounds (Fjord, Molly, Caleb, and I think Beau has more to tell us) and do not fully trust each other yet. Caleb thus far has called Jester crazy, a lunatic, a liability, snapped at her, and yelled at her. I’m really not into this “Caleb is a poor little innocent cinnamon roll and Jester is a bitch” dialogue in fandom I see floating around already. I didn’t like it when it was Vax and Vex, and I don’t like it here. 

All of these characters are complex, nuanced, and fascinating. We’re still learning about them. Reducing them to things like “adorkable scarf dad who did nothing wrong” and “evil bitch” is lazy at best. If you’re having trouble accepting that a female character can be multiple things at once, this is not the show for you.