velociowl:

arctizii:

icecoldparadise:

teaforascripturient:

madi-zaphara:

daeneryaastargaryen:

strawberryshortcakekitten:

Bro: You can’t say you’re pan if you’ve only dated cis-boys Jess..

Me: Then you can’t say you’re straight since you’ve never had a girlfriend

Bro: touche…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so you like girls?

Me: yep

Bro: so youre gonna get a girlfriend?

Me: maybe

Bro: NOW I GOTTA COMPETE AGAINST YOU TOO?? 

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Bro: wanna bet on who kisses a girl first?

Me: sure… $10?

Bro: okay

Me: sweet…cough up the money because i already kissed three

Bro: WHAT?? WHO?? you whore…No but seriously who because we only have like 2 lesbians in our school….

____________________________________________________________

Bro: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN ABOUT YOU AND KITCHENWEAR IM KILLING YOU

____________________________________________________________

Brothers friend: so your sister is pan?

Bro: yeah?

Friend: what’s that?

Bro: basically she’ll date anyone

Friend: think she’ll date me?

Bro: ew no, dude she has standered still..

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so…how was narnia?

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Mother: i dont want you going to (insert friend)’s house because you’re pan and they are too

Bro: shes 18 mom AND you had no problem with it before jess was out

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: and they’re both girls so its not like even if something DID happen she wouldn’t get pregnant or anything

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: just let her hang out with the one friend she still has

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is complaning about something* Thats so ga- OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IT SLIPPED

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *shows me a picture of a girl* do you think shes hot?

Me: ew no

Bro: I AM TRYING TO GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND STOP BEING PICKY WOMAN WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THERE ARENT THAT MANY OPTIONS 

____________________________________________________________

Me: *is complaining to my brother about this dude on campus* -anyways hes so not my type

Mother: but youre pan and ‘youre attracted to everyone regardless of gender’ so you dont have a type

Bro: thats like saying because i’m straight i like every girl mom…she can be pan and have types you limp lettuce

____________________________________________________________

Bro: do you think grandma will freak out when she finds out you’re queer?

Me: hopefully

Bro: sweet…..can i tell her??

Me: no?

Bro: dammit…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is playing COD online in his room* Guys seriously stop saying the F slur

Bro: Seriously i dont care about your kill streak, i will shoot you

Bro: NO SCOPE! I warned you!

____________________________________________________________

Bro: you know what my favorite part of you being pan is?

Me: what?

Bro: you’re no longer grandmas favorite…now i get all the money/food

____________________________________________________________

Bro: aw fuck

Me: what?

Bro: what if you get a girlfriend one day and she breaks your heart? i can’t punch a girl! 

Me: no thats okay-

Bro: HOW WILL I DEFEND YOUR HONOR???

This is so sweet actually

@zaiyo

YOU LIMP LETTUCE

Im always gonna reblog this because 1. The learned support is awesome. 2. This boy is an absolute humorous gem. 3. Sibling support ftw (with the a healthy dash of competition)

I wish i had that kind of relationship with my brother tho

“HOW WILL I DEFEND YOUR HONOR???”

wish i had a bro like that

magnolia-noire:

people who carry their groceries home on public transportation are stronger than any marine

bace-jeleren:

trans-mouse:

john-marshall:

john-marshall:

john-marshall:

use the right knives when you cook please

i’m not kidding and i’m not being mean i’m watching these videos of people trying to cut like, carrots, and they’re using butcher knives, and i just… I cook a lot and I don’t own a butcher knife, I’ve never had one, I’ve never needed one. I don’t cleave through… bone like. please

like listen, this set is $18.99 with the coupon it has available right now. unless you do a lot of cooking in which case you’re not the target audience of this post you don’t need more knives than this like… please

from left to right: 

• paring knife: it’s good for small cuts. deseeding a jalapeno, cutting up strawberries.
• utility knife: allegedly these make cutting tomatoes easier. i don’t actually find cutting tomatoes difficult, so i don’t know. i use it mostly for trimming meat.
• santoku knife: this is essentially a chef’s knife with a straight blade. it’s good for veggies. 
• chef’s knife: i use a chef’s knife for almost everything. it can chop a head of romaine and it can cut a chicken breast in half. whatever. just don’t use it for tiny shit. 
• slicing knife: good for slicing cooked meats
• bread knife: bread

it’s also gay.

and here’s a cutting board with a knife sharpener. keeping your knives sharp is a good idea because cuts from dull knives are harder to treat, are more likely to get infected, and are more painful over time. cuts happen but you can reduce your risks

Who wants to get me some knives?

Gay knives save lives