Month: August 2018

armalis:

sci-fi episodes i want:

  • ship’s computer crashes due to virus acquired during a porn download from a lower decks ensign
  • firmware update was pushed out to the fleet, has vital error in the clock program that causes every computer to repeat 2300. translators have to explain to the enemy why everyone is an hour late to peace talks.
  • unintelligble message is sent out into the void because someone’s pet cat walked across their keyboard. message is interpreted as a marriage proposal.
  • universal translators break, everyone is reduced to hand gestures
  • viewscreen has dead pixels in the upper left corner, drives the captain a bit bonkers
  • space gps tells us to take a right where we should take a left. plucky recent academy grad on the graveyard shift realizes that this would take us into the sun and makes the course correction. ship’s computer advises her for two hours to make a u-turn when it is safe to do so

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

depraved-heart-murder:

egggheads:

tastefullyoffensive:

This company understands dogs. (via jpellizzi)

this is Barkshop’s Consuela Cactus!

Barkshop does a lot of toys that have “destroyer’s prizes” inside, normally a sturdy squeaker ball.

They have packages of toys designed based on play-style (I’m getting the ‘thrasher’ pack for Aiden’s birthday).

They also have a “destroyer’s club” where you can earn points by showing them the carnage your dogs inflict on their barkshop toys and earn a free toy. 

It’s a really great company and if I could get free shipping i’d be spending my heart away on their stuff. 

My dog would adore this!

The cactus will forgive you, doggo

sirhate:

lily-peet:

Bad idea for a Romantic Comedy
The Chief of Police is married to a Mob Boss, and they have to keep “just failing” to catch each other. When one of them hits the other in a shootout, it’s followed with “Oh I’m never going to hear the end of this…”

“So how was your day at work?”
“YOU FUCKING SHOT ME! THAT WAS MY DAY AT WORK!”

We clearly have different definitions of bad.

420ferret:

penfairy:

I like to call my chickens “beasties” or “fat little monster trucks” and other such affectionate terms, but dad seems to take offence whenever I do and always gently refers to them as “the girls,” “the ladies” and sometimes “the dames” when he’s putting them away, like he’s a butler shepherding a group of well-bred country lasses into the parlour for tea 

this post evokes such a pleasing mental image that my depression was completely cured for 5 and a half minutes