definitely-a-textbook:

I remember seeing a comment during Talks Machina last night that said something along the lines of Marisha feeling too guilty about Beau’s interactions with Molly and that Molly wasnt all that great as everyone keeps saying, and while that’s a possibility, I think what’s more likely is that Beau is the one really feeling extremely guilty and is not acting out of character.

Marisha is the only one that knows what’s going on in Beau’s head and she says last night that Beau believes she is an asshole and that no one will like her because of it. Her past experiences have proven that to her. So, she meets Molly who tries his best to be good to offset the bad his past self might have done, which she very easily could have interpreted as an almost holier than thou attitude. She was jealous that Molly seemed so likable, even though he was similarly a bit of an asshole. (The whole group’s a little rough around the edges, after all, and I’m loving it.) So, she was just herself, playful, but spiteful. She liked Molly, but some of her playful jabs and ‘fuck you’s (based on what Marisha said) were secretly meant to hurt. She wanted to get under his skin a bit. Maybe she wanted to bring him down to her level, prove he’s not as good as he said he is by getting into fights, but in the end it didn’t work.

Just based on their interactions and how legitimately playful they seemed, Molly enjoyed Beau’s ribbing. He’d laugh, he’d respond with something of his own, he’d say ‘fuck you’ back but with a gentle smile. I think Molly really liked Beau, he liked the group (Taliesin basically said he wanted to take care of them), and his interactions with Beau mirrored what little we saw of the circus. It might be very likely that Molly was reminded of his friendships in the circus when he talked to Beau and thought she felt similarly close enough to call him an asshole and mean it with affection.

After Molly’s death, her grief and regret feels accurate to her character. She’s taking what she feels to be true (she is an unlikable asshole who can’t make friends and upsets the ppl around her), so instead of thinking, “I liked Molly. We had fun. It’s awful that he’s gone, but he knew he was loved.” It became, “I liked Molly. I was awful to him. He must have hated what I said to him and he must have hated me. He must have felt so alone. He’ll never know. I can’t tell him im sorry.”

Beau is looking back on what should be happy memories and superimposing her own reasoning for her behavior and twisting them into something to be ashamed of. She doesn’t know that Molly probably liked their interactions and her. She can’t ask him, so he can’t set the record straight. She firmly believes she hurt him while he was alive, even if that wasnt the case. This sort of thing happens a lot in the aftermath of death. Many ppl have regrets that, in reality, probably were not that big of a deal to the deceased.

I’m extremely interested in where Beau’s going next and I’m really happy with her character so far. Grief is an interesting thing to play with in fiction and I like that Beau is finding her character arc through it. Even if she’s going to be frustrated with herself in the next episode. (Changing takes baby steps.)