– urgently marched into A&E and said ‘we’re having knee pain!!’ to the confused receptionist. i had to explain that it was only my knee and that he was just worried
– when asked to tag me in a meme of ‘what water are you?’, said ‘you are the ocean: home to all friends’
– loved ‘filthy gorgeous’ and, rather than learning the words, learned ‘all three parts in the song where they ring a triangle’
– after we had an argument about him not ‘getting’ my ADHD, i caught him halfway through a three hour playlist of lectures on ADHD, with a pen in hand, taking notes
– he suffered a TBI last summer and he did not like the orienting questions they ask (’what year is it? what day is it?’ etc). when asked ‘do you know where you are?’, he cracked one eye open and angrily said ‘in bed!’
– he played knack 2 and hated it. when i asked why he was still playing it, he said ‘so i never have to play it again’. he got every achievement and as soon as he got the last one he stood up, ejected the disc and returned it to the store
– lately he’s given up on making lunch so he just drinks huel which is a meal replacement shake, except huel is kind of boring so he sometimes puts nesquick strawberry powder in there
– my favourite drink is pepsi max. when asked about his dreams for the future, they often involve ‘being rich enough to find a way to pump pepsi max directly into our house’
– one time in our first year of dating i hadn’t seen him in weeks, whereas we normally saw each other all day every day, so i was gonna go stay with him for a couple days. he had a temporary job (i’m talking 2 weeks total) at the time and i was bummed that i was gonna be alone at his for a bit, but w/e. he was texting me like ‘work is going okay, in the line for the canteen right now’ while i got on the bus. i found the key where he said it was, i found a note on the table like ‘hi love! the wifi code is [password], I’ll be back at 5!’, and then I went into the lounge and he was there. he was lying on a fold-out bed with Marvin Gaye playing. the TV was on a powerpoint slide that said ‘Welcome, Jess. I quit my job.’ he was entirely naked except for a cushion with the letter ‘D’ over his crotch. im 95% sure there were candles
– we play the game Rimworld, where you micromanage a colony of people on an alien planet. he uses it entirely to simulate a peaceful colony, mostly of women, who have a large number of animals they care for and train. one time he got this random event where all the women in the colony got a psychic mood boost and he was like ‘honestly that’s my life goal’
– when he was in hospital and his cognitive functions were slowly coming back, he looked up from twitter with horror and said ‘jess… is the american president a racist?’
– we were playing Articulate, which is a game where you have to describe a word without saying the word itself. His partner said ‘when you’re beginning sex, you are…’. he, without a second of hesitation, yelled ‘FOREPLAY’. the answer was actually ‘initiating’, but my ego grew like fourteen times
– one time he asked me what guacamole was, and i told him, and he said ‘if it’s made up of things that already have names why does it have a different name?’ i have not let him live this down yet
– i used to have an eating disorder, and whilst i’m good 99.9% of the time now i occasionally do have wobbles. one time i’d eaten some mini-donuts and i told him ‘i kind of want to check the calories on those…’, so he immediately pulled the label off and ate it
– i lost him for like twenty minutes at a uni event, and when i found him he presented me with a pepsi max badge and said ‘i rode this mechanical bull to try and win you a year’s supply but i fell off pretty quickly. sorry.’
– we won the ‘best couple’ award in our year at uni, but neither of us were there to collect it because i was ill and he left halfway through to come home and take care of me
– one time he wasn’t paying attention while making lunch and he cracked an egg directly into the bin. the look of confusion on his face was priceless.
– on the rare occasions when i wake up before him, when i kiss him/ touch him he makes these little like… activation sounds? you know like when you touch a cat? it’s like those
This is the cutest thing I have read with my own eyes
A list of reasons I’m divorcing J.K. Rowling and no longer acknowledging anything Past Deathly Hallows
None of it makes sense or really adds anything to the story except ‘ooh! A twist!’
She took the The Boy Who Lived To Idolize His Parents, and made him into a terrible father, who told his son he wishes he wasn’t born.
Made lycanthropy an allegory for HIV/AIDS, AFTER Lupin was turned as a child, by an adult. Not only does this tick the box for pedophilia, but painting homosexuals as predatory by nature.
Delphi. Everything about her. Including that she exists.
During the actual series, wandless magic was incredibly difficult to do, and only harnessed by very dedicated, powerful witches and wizards. Then, when writing about it in reference to Native American witches and wizards, suddenly, they needed Europeans to come along and teach them how to use wands.
Dumbledore being gay, whilst having none of his romantic relationships touched on in the series, even when his adolescence is delved into.
Taking from other cultures (Indian and Native American, for example) to add things to the series, with no credit due to those cultures, and no mention of even a character from those cultures.
Nagini somehow being a human originally, when it was previously never even alluded to, despite J.K. apparently ‘sitting on this for the last 20 years’.
Nagini, the literal PET of a white supremacist, was a woman of color.
None of these things she attempts to shoehorn in feel even remotely natural to the story, and it’s painfully fucking obvious they’re last-minute ‘gotcha!’ twists ripped off ff.net or ao3. She’s destroying the series by trying to keep it relevant, when it could maintain relevancy all on it’s own by being passed down through families and the fandom all on it’s own.
I think aside from the Yikes factor, which I don’t really have the authority to address, the Nagini reveal is really emblematic of the problem Fantastic Beasts and most prequel films have. Namely, does it really matter?
And the answer is truly no. How does Nagini formally being a woman impact the later events of the Harry Potter universe? Is it a weakness of Voldemort’s to exploit or a hindrance to the heroes? No, she accomplishes those things just fine as a normal snake. Is her involvement in the events surrounding Grindelwald important? No, because it wasn’t worth remembering, not by Dumbledore or Voldemort or anyone else. At the end of the day, this new information was not necessary, and therefore not worth the time to include in the original seven books.
And that’s what’s wrong about this whole Newt Scamander, Fighter for Dumbledore angle. Because the books and therefore the history and worldbuilding do not support it. Scrimgeour doesn’t tell Harry “you’re Dumbledore’s man through and through, just like that Scamander bloke” because Harry was one of a kind to Scrimgeour, not just the update to a previously existing prototype. There’s no chapter in Rita Skeeter’s tell-all book devoted to Dumbledore’s special relationship with Newt, because it didn’t exist matter. Newt does not participate in the Order of the Phoenix or attend Dumbledore’s funeral, so whatever bond they have in these films does not survive. Which begs the question why any of it matters.
The characters of the Harry Potter Wizarding World do not know Newt Scamander for being a hero in the war against Grindelwald; they know him for being a magizoologist. Rowling can retcon it for these films, but she cannot go back and change the text she already wrote which shows just how unimportant of a story these five films must be to never even crop up as a footnote in Harry’s story. When Newt was just a vehicle for the Beasts, that was fine. Harry is not Charlie or Hagrid, for whom Newt would have been a far more important figure.
But this push to have a Good vs. Evil conflict, and more importantly for a Cinematic Universe, renders Newt’s revised story completely irrelevant because we know it was irrelevant to the characters of the future we were first introduced to and loved. If they never cared, why should we?
Overdressed & Underappreciated 