This reminds me of a party I went to last year. I was standing with some friends, chatting, and someone said something that indirectly implied that sexism exists. Some trivial recounting of the basic facts of daily life for most women. Something so mild, so uncontroversial, so mundane that I don’t even remember what it was.
Suddenly, this man standing on the outskirts of our conversational circle piped up with “actually, I think men are more discriminated against than women these days.”
All conversation died.
I turned to look at him and he had this smug, insufferable grin on his face, relishing this moment, expecting us to waste our time and energy refuting this ridiculous thing he had just said.
The Devil’s Advocate was among us.
And, in my mind, I saw the next 15+ minutes playing out. The parade of facts and statistics in a vain attempt to defend ourselves, our gender, and to prove that misogyny is real. The glib, snide denials from some shithead who is getting off on our pain and frustration. The Gish Gallop of bullshit that would take a whole evening to properly dismantle. It was depressing and overwhelming. I hated it. I had to kill it before it began.
So I looked him dead in the eye and I said “OK,“ shrugged, and just walked away.
Nothing I have ever said to another human being has ever been so crushing. As I walked away, I watched the smug grin vanish and confusion and anxiety set in. The rest of the group turned their backs to him and carried on as if he had never spoken – as if he was invisible. He was still staring at me when I walked over to another friend and told her what he had said. I pointed him out for her and made direct eye contact with him while we both laughed.
tl;dr: Don’t feed the troll. Let it perish, cold and hungry, in the wasteland of your indifference. It is weak and you are strong. Live your best life.
Well, if you must know, I edited out quite a bit of incredulous cursing at the idea. Just the idea that there is a “reproductive duty,” (only in misogynistic settings like this one, based as they are on the commodification of reproduction, and such things should be clearly labelled as the constructs of a misogynistic society rather than any sort of equivalent to inalienable human rights) and then comparing it to the duty of, essentially, a first responder…
Sorry, I started swearing again. Back to the answer.
Women, however highborn, don’t usually get to enter into marriage contracts freely. Those contracts are made for them and with them; they are the goods sold, not the dealer. It’s a rare woman who’s her own agent in negotiating these deals (and her status as a negotiator would probably be informal), and even then, she’s still bargaining over who gets legal and customary rights to use her body. Spoilers: the answer is never “the woman getting married.” Cersei’s not wrong that she was sold and used as a broodmare. The fact that she got a nice stable doesn’t negate the fact she was treated like a horse.
Knights, by contrast, take these vows with considerably more freedom. Male non-knights do get negative feedback for their lack of martial skill – but pathways exist for them outside knighthood. As Ned outlines for Arya, in a speech contrasting the different options men and women have in Westerosi society,
“No,” Ned said. He saw no use in lying to her. “Yet someday [Bran] may be the lord of a great holdfast and sit on the king’s council. He might raise castles like Brandon the Builder, or sail a ship across the Sunset Sea, or enter your mother’s Faith and become the High Septon.”
– Eddard V, AGoT
Septons and maesters, courtiers and captains, merchants and engineers. A man who doesn’t take oaths of knighthood (which definitely outline the fact a knight is supposed to put themself in danger when others need their services) can still get a job and make a living. Not such a prestigious living, but a living.
Women who refuse marriage vows (as distinguished from widows)? Their main option would be to join the Faith (not an option for women who don’t follow the Seven). More importantly, though, a range of other consequences could be visited upon them for that refusal. They could get thrown out of the house. They could be forced to join the Faith. They could be more directly coerced into another marriage. The rare exception would be a woman who stood to inherit/had already inherited the family’s holdings, and especially outside of Dorne that could turn real sour (see: Rohanne Webber).
I’m not seeing much moral equivalence here at all, is what I’m saying.
There’s not much to admire about Cersei, including the fact she’s having a mutually abusive affair with her brother, the cover-up of which has claimed lives and contributed to starting a war. But her staunch determination, in the face of society’s disapproval and severe domestic abuse, to control her own fertility? That I think is genuinely admirable. Legally treason or not.
i’ve been sitting here for like 5 minutes trying to think of a caption but i absolutely cannot think of anything funnier than this collection of images
Overdressed & Underappreciated 