I periodically feel so fucking sad for women in history. I feel like birth control in countries where it is widely used has made women forget an aspect of male cruelty and sociopathy that is now less apparent (giving the illusion that men have improved when only women’s defences against men have)—the fact that for most of history men could live with a woman for decades and not care that they were slowly killing her with endless back-to-back pregnancies which not only resulted in early death more often than not, but also in a total smothering of the woman’s spirit and talents. I saw a quote by Anne Boyer the other day that called straight relationships for women “not only deadly, but deadening”—as I was reading Jill Lepore’s Book of Ages, a biography of Benjamin Franklin’s sister Jane, who was bright and loved reading and wrote some poetry, but had little time to make anything of her life in between her 12 pregnancies. Benjamin Franklin’s mother had 10 sons and 7 daughters. What could they possibly accomplish when their husbands kept impregnating them year after year after year throughout their entire adult life?
Charlotte Brontë eschewed marriage longer than most (writing to Ellen Nussey that she wished they could just set up a little cottage and live together) but she finally married at 38, became pregnant, and died before her 39th birthday. If she had married younger would Jane Eyre exist? I was reading that biography of Charity & Sylvia last month and comparing their life together in their little cottage to the life of their married female relatives, which was honestly hell on earth. One of Charity’s sisters had 18 children. Charity’s mother had 10 living ones, and probably some additional stillbirths. She gave birth to her first child age 19, in 1758, then to a pair of twins in 1760, then another child in 1761, another in 1763, another in 1765, another in 1767, another in 1769, another in 1771, another in 1774, another in 1777. Charity was the last child and her mother had been sick with tuberculosis for months when she became pregnant with her, and she died soon after giving birth.
I wish people would call this murder—this woman was murdered by her husband, like countless other women who do not ‘count’ as victims of male violence because straight sex is natural, pregnancy is natural, childbirth is natural. But when after 20 years of nonstop pregnancies this woman had tuberculosis and suffered from severe respiratory distress, severe weight loss, fever and exhaustion, and her husband impregnated her again, her death was expected. He must have known; he just didn’t care. This woman’s sister—Charity’s aunt—remained a spinster and outlived all of her married sisters by several decades, living well into her eighties. (Ironically, male doctors in her century asserted that sex with men was necessary for women’s health. The biographer quoted from a popular home health guide which said that old maids incurred grievous physical harm from a lack of sex with men.) And this aunt had the time and liberty to develop her skill for embroidery to such an extent that two museums still preserve her embroidered bed drapes. She accomplished something, she nurtured her talent and self. Her name was also Charity, and I find it interesting that Charity’s mother named her last daughter, whose pregnancy & birth killed her, after her childless, unmarried sister.
When I see women reblog my post about Sophia Tolstoy’s misery with her 13 children, adding comments like “thank god marriage is no longer synonymous with this”, I wonder if they realise that men have not magically become any kinder or more concerned about their female partner’s health and fulfillment, it’s just that women now have access to better ways of protecting themselves from their male partner’s indifference to their health and fulfillment.
Now I’m thinking of that tweet by some right-wing tool mocking a couple calling their dog their “baby” that was like
“Your grandmother: 10 kids
Your mother: 2 kids
You: three abortions and a dog”
Like you really thought your grandmother had 10 children because she wanted to, huh? And how dare modern women use the resources (if they can) to avoid the horrors of pregnancy and/or numerous pregnancies. It makes me sick too, the feeling of dread they must have felt as their husband climbed atop them for the umpteenth time, how they must have prayed that this time they wouldn’t get pregnant… and then showing signs that they were and just feeling so. Resigned and helpless. Because what can they do? Maybe try to induce a miscarriage that could potentially injure or kill them, or have them socially ostracized if they were caught. Another year trapped in the cage of their own bodies.
The scope of what men have done to women is unimaginable.
I watch Midwives (awesome show btw) and it takes place in Britain right before the widespread availability of The Pill. In one episode, a lady had 8 kids and was pregnant with the 9th and desperately wanted an abortion because they couldn’t afford the 8 they already had but abortion was illegal and getting her tubes tied was too expensive. So she did a back alley abortion and died from the complications.
The show clearly indicted the government and NHS specifically for not providing poor women with access to birth control and abortion.
But, the whole time I thought how evil is her husband? He didn’t need to get her pregnant. And it’s not even about sexual release because there’s plenty other things they could do. It’s a level of sociopathic selfishness that we don’t think a lot about today but the same stuff would be happening if we didn’t have birth control because men have not changed.
every time i listen to “you’re a mean one mr. grinch” i can’t help but sit there and think “what did the grinch do to hurt you?” because dude just stands there for 2 minutes and 58 seconds and drags the grinch into the dirt
he stole christmas, kayla! stop with your #notallgrinches propaganda!
you know what if someone told me i was a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce i’d probably be bitter enough to steal christmas too
Interestingly, though The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is narrated by Boris Karloff, the big musical number is sung by the late Thurl Ravenscroft – an American voice actor better known as the voice of Tony the Tiger.
My headcanon is that the Grinch and Tony the Tiger had a bad breakup, and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is the resulting breakup song.
Did this really HAVE to be the first thing I see when I opened up Tumblr?
once on halloween in high school i decided that i would give myself a treat and “forget” my gym uniform and therefore lose participation credit for the day because you cant participate without the uniform. and the teacher was like, “if you’re in costume you don’t lose credit today because halloween,” and was listing off students who were visibly in costume who would get basically free credit, and she said my name much to my surprise and i realized that. she had never seen me in my regular clothes more than once or twice a couple months previously. she thought i was in costume. she had no idea i was just super fuckin goth.
I mean even the raw sentiment of giving yourself a gift of no gym class on Halloween is goth enough in itself
Overdressed & Underappreciated 