critrolesketch:

Ok, on my second watch through, I realized very quickly that I was projecting my own hurt through Vex, not really paying attention to how Laura was playing her and writing it off as something that she just wanted to bury.

But…Vex didn’t act that way. She was, honest to god, actually happy to see Scanlan. And immediately after he said he was going to cast modify memory and she stopped him, she insisted on helping him recover his disguise. She didn’t want to thwart his image and ruse, just make sure he didn’t make her forget. And then she was just as elated as Vax. She welcomed him back like he never left (that’s untrue but she fell into some old habits) and was ready to accept him.

Now, to me that isn’t a healthy way of going about things. He still hurt Vex…and just…

Ok so the moment Scanlan was apologizing to the whole group about what he said, Vex immediately said “We deserved it.”

Percy, bless him, responded to her saying “No we didn’t.”

And…Vex…sweetie…what are you thinking? What makes you think that you deserved all that hate? It was all uncalled for. You know that its mostly untrue, what he said. Especially the stuff he said about you! “We went to the Feywild just so she could fix her daddy issues!”

So, um, yeah. I worry about her. She hasn’t even tried to bring any of that up. Instead she is acting as Scanlan’s support through all this. She isn’t holding his hand, but she is the cushion he could fall back on if he needed it.

That makes me mad, it makes me sad, and I’m just really confused and want to hug Vex because my girl shouldn’t be thinking along the lines she is currently treading and needs a proper apology from Scanlan. She needs to acknowledge that what he said was hurtful, and that it’s ok to be upset. He said terrible things and you have a right to be hurt by it. Scream! Shout! Let it all out! 

Maybe I’m projecting again and Vex has just…gotten over it? As if it really didn’t bother her when Scanlan attacked her directly? But then why would she say she deserved it? I’m at a loss and need some time to work this out. You guys have any thoughts?

Vex has always had self-worth issues. You can of course make this about “forgiveness” and letting things go, but quite frankly, achieving the state of zen where you just ignore your own feelings and forgive and move on is not healthy.

And Vex has always had the tendency to ignore her own feelings or issues in favor of everyone else being happy. Remember how she died, and then spent the following episodes making sure Percy didn’t beat himself up over it because she’s fine now? And how she started doing the research for Vax and try to convince him the Raven Queen isn’t that bad and the aesthetics are so cool? It was always about other people, never about her own possible struggles with being dead.

Vex thinking her feelings aren’t worth the time of day has been consistent. Vax had to basically force her to open up about anything, when he was in the headspace to deal with anything but his own problems. See also, Vex only telling the story of how she got Trinket in episode 65 after being forced to by Vax, even though if you read the story, that was like, one of the most formative events in her life.

She also never talked to Vax about how Saundor affected her. She only ever mentioned that to Percy, but not because she needed to talk about it,  but because she wanted him to feel better about himself, make him forgive himself.

…Speaking of which, the whole Percy situation was a prime example of that as well. She’d been fully aware of her feelings since at the very latest episode 63,  but figured he didn’t reciprocate and even after that talk in 72 was perfectly ready and willing to take her feelings to the grave without ever mentioning them, because oh boy t might inconvenience him if he doesn’t reciprocate, and wouldn’t that just be awkward and fuck over group dynamics and stuff. Bless Percy for seeing right through that. More or less.

And while we’re at it. On a meta-level, sort of, the talk they had in 87 about the whole did you ear the confession or not thing almost didn’t happen because Laura didn’t believe it worth the game time. And Vex had been stewing on that for a while at that point, too.

So I think that’s what this is. Vex believes that she deserves the shit life throws at her, that she is entirely unworthy of getting the care and attention she needs and deserves, and is also willing to swallow it all down if it means her substitute dad won’t leave her again and they all can be happy like before.

..Hell, look no further than her pointedly not revealing something she definitely wanted to talk about to Vax because he didn’t take the hint, so she figured it was unimportant at the moment. In the same episode.

(Though that might just be me projecting, too. I identify with Vex to a scary degree.)