w4rgoddess:

writingnodule:

now, generally i don’t respond to confessions but like. i have several thoughts about this, and forgive me if i ramble, it’s five am and i haven’t slept yet

see.

aside from the fact that the confessor genuinely doesn’t seem to respect isabela at all, i really don’t think they’re giving her credit where credit is due simply because she is not a palatable trauma survivor. she isn’t like fenris. she’s not. that’s sort of the point. but we’ll get back to that

for me, this ship WORKS. not just because i always saw fenris’s quote unquote baggage around sex being related almost entirely to him being afraid of what the other person was bringing into it, and assumed that he initially got together with isabela because she was the one person he could reasonably be assured would bring nothing into the bedroom besides the want for both of them to have a good time, but because of what isabela herself brings to the table

isabela is all about personal freedom. that is her jam. her reason for living. she bases her entire life around the idea of it, and literally got in trouble over refusing to transport slaves. is it so wrong to think that he respects someone like that, and wanted to be around her, and that the connection built from there?

i dunno, it just bugged me. probably mostly because, as a survivor myself, i GET their relationship. it makes sense to me. fenris and isabela individually make perfect sense -they are both survivors of sexual abuse, among other things, and while they react in opposing ways to that sexual abuse, they are both well within the realm of believability- and they get along perfectly well as friends if you bring them places together, and also

also

they BOTH run away after sex, confessor. they run away for what seems utterly different reasons, but it really really REALLY isn’t. it all comes back to expectations. fenris expects the worst, and defaults to a fear response, while isabela reacts to the idea of a possible relationship with, wait for it, a fear response (remember i mentioned isabela being a trauma survivor that isn’t easy to digest? here it comes. i didn’t forget)

she doesn’t run away from relationships and emotional entanglements because she’s just a jerk, she does it because she is legitimately afraid. the fact that she covers it up with wise-cracking where he is solemn does not diminish her sincerity when she does talk about it, later in the game

so. anyway. the idea that they would have that understanding and respect extend to their sex life and beyond just has me doing the kermit nod. that sure is a healthy relationship built on an intimate understanding of each other’s distinct boundaries and needs in a way that even hawke could have difficulty with in-game, and maybe give BOTH of them a little slack, yeah?

(rubs eyes) Yeah, this is why I resent the constant attempts to woobify Fenris so much. People love to draw him as this little thing, a foot shorter than Hawke and with rabbit ears or whatever; he’s a delicate shy creature that must be protected! FFS. Fenris is a rock. He’s been through hell and not only does he survive it, but he directly confronts all the things that scare him and then, Maker, he rips their heart out. Scared of re-enslavement? Rips the hearts out of several dozen bounty hunters. Scared of his old master? Rips the hearts out of his fave apprentice and him. Scared of the vulnerability and flashbacks that being with Hawke brings up? It’s a figurative ripping, but it happens. Fenris getting with Isabela after that incident with Hawke is the same. Intimacy scared him – so he gets involved with someone who can help him get past this. Rrrrrrip.

And this is why I despise the unacknowledged racism of fandom. Because it’s bad enough that fandom treats all sex-positive women as “sluts,” but when she superficially appears to falls right into the Jezebel stereotype, they don’t even look for the deeper elements of her characterization to see if she’s carrying around a weight of trauma, too, as @writingnodule notes. They figure they’ve got her figured out – and they hate her, because this hypersexual, amoral, predatory brown hussy has hooked up with their delicate woobie, so it can’t possibly be a healthy relationship from either end. If Isabela was white, fans would identify with her, and pick up on the obvious cues that she’s had a rough life and is more complex than she seems. But she’s not white, and fans treat her as a threat. (smh)